Don't worry, I'm still writing essays, I just wanted to experiment a bit. It’s divided neatly into sections, so you can easily peruse for something of interest. I don't know how often I'll send out this newsletter style transmission, but I hope you enjoy, and I'll welcome your feedback!
In this dispatch from my endless brain, you will find a medley of images and thoughts, in no particular order, about vulnerability, identity, partner dancing, and more!
a meme: my blog vs reality
Many of my essays are written from the point of view of my capital “S” self, the “adult” part of my psyche that has wisdom and wants to guide others. But I’m also guiding the other parts of my psyche that still sometimes gain control and lead me back into unhelpful patterns. Laying out the path and walking the path are two different things. Sometimes, you still trip over obstacles in the road. And that’s okay! You just have to get up and keep walking.
a tweet: we live on separate islands until we share
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve made some amazing friends over the last several years by being open about my thoughts and experiences, even when it felt risky to do so. And recently, I find myself constantly reading essays and tweets that make me realize I’m not alone in my experiences, feelings, or views, sometimes eerily so. Through these shared thoughts, I not only find a way to reframe and refine my own perspectives, I feel less alone. And that’s what I try to do in my own writing. I share because I want to help somebody else in the same way.
thoughts in progress: models of identity
I've known for a long time that people have very different ways of relating to their identity / concept of self. You can see this reflected in the teachings of the major religions—e.g. Christians believe in the concept of a soul; Buddhists believe in no such permanent self.
But lately I've been talking to some friends about their personal concepts of self.
A friend of mine thinks of herself as a palimpsest—a piece of paper that's been reused but still bears visible traces of its earlier form. Another friend told me he starts over fresh every time he wakes up, which I guess I'd call the "fresh piece of paper" model (I'd say “blank slate,” but that already has a long established meaning).
My own model is like "version history." Sometimes updates to software introduce bugs or get rid of a really great feature from the previous version. Those close to me know that I’m a hoarder of journal entries, online chat logs, handwritten notes, and random bits of writing. I use these as touchstones to return to previous versions of myself to try to restore lost features and attempt to find the origins of bugs in the current version of me.
Do you relate to any of these models? Or do you have your own model?
a snapshot: nyc sidewalk art and fast walkers
As I prepare to move to Austin in a couple of months, I can't help but be nostalgic for everything I love and hate about New York City. This photo showcases two of those things:
1. The ability to walk outside on any given day and see something new, if you're only willing to notice. I spotted this on the sidewalk while walking to get a haircut. This is such an amazing gift, but it has its downsides. It can get really overwhelming to walk out of your door and be constantly bombarded by sensory input. Not just with visuals, but with noise and smells.
2. The fact that New Yorkers walk fast, even if they're just going home to watch Netflix. If you're not naturally a fast walker, live here long enough, and you'll become one, or you won't last. This is part of what gives the city its rhythmic pulse, its life force. It can be addicting. But this pace of life can also be exhausting over time. And it extends to more than just walking; it’s a whole mentality. The go-go-go, the hustle, the intensity.
I’ll always love these things about NYC, but I’m ready for a change.
an article: partner dancing can reduce dementia
Dementia is a topic that deeply interests me because multiple members of my family have been afflicted. And I have additional risk factors, having experienced two traumatic brain injuries. As a writer, my mind is incredibly important to me. So I read any article about the topic that I come across, always looking for new research and tips for prevention.
I came across this article discussing a 2021 study on women at risk of Alzheimer’s who took a 12-week Tango course. They showed improvements in whole-body spatial cognition and short-term and working memory and reduced deterioration of executive function, as well as decreased levels of inflammatory cytokines linked to Alzheimer’s. The benefits seem to come from the combination of movement and social connection partner dance provides. Not surprising to me, but I’m happy to find any study that gives me scientific ammo to encourage everyone I know to try partner dancing! Partner dancing is an activity one can do well into old age if you take good care of yourself.
ending on a good note: sharing a dance crush
Speaking of partner dancing… a couple of weeks ago, in a message to a fellow dancer, I revealed that he’s been one of my dance crushes for a long time.
A "dance crush" is a term that means you really love dancing with that person. Not just that you like dancing with them. It's beyond that. A dance crush is someone whose presence at a dance social can make or break the night for you. It could be because their connection feels amazing, because you interpret the music in the same way, because they elevate your dancing to a higher level...whatever the specifics, by telling someone they're one of your dance crushes, you're saying, "You make me feel good when we dance, you give me a good experience that I seek out over and over, and I want you to know that." It's one of the highest compliments a dancer can receive.
Partner dancing is an amazing but scary experience. It requires bravery and trust and the willingness to be vulnerable. And yet, often dancers who are able to embody those qualities on the floor are less able to embody them off of it. To take that vulnerable step of telling someone how they make you feel, despite not knowing if you make them feel the same way. To face the fear of revealing an imbalance, to face the potential disappointment if there isn't reciprocation.
I was rewarded for my vulnerable act by his reply that he was so flattered, that dancing with me has always been a treat, and that our dances at the previous social were the highlight of his night.
But I didn't admit my dance crush to get anything back. I just said it to show my appreciation, to make another human being feel good.
When we met again on the dance floor the following night, he told me he’d had kind of a rough week, and my compliments had turned it around. He thanked me for being brave in sending that message.
And at one point it might have been brave of me, when I was new to partner dancing. But over time, I realized that I cherished every compliment I received, no matter how skilled a dancer I became. And I saw the joy on the faces of even the most skilled dancers when I paid them a compliment.
You never know what someone is going through. Whatever your image of someone, you can trust that they're fighting their own private battles, just like you. And by getting past my own fear of vulnerability, I put a smile on someone else's face, someone who needed it.
And what could be better than that? No matter what else I do or don’t accomplish in my life, whatever else may be going on, I know I always have the power to spread joy in this small but meaningful way. And that fills me with joy in return. A very positive feedback loop.
Even if you're not a partner dancer, you can still do the same for a co-worker, or your barista, or anyone else you appreciate. It's even something nice to do for your friends and family now and then.
My brain is truly endless…but that’s all I’m sharing for now. I’d love it if you’d leave a comment or reply to this email and share some thoughts from your own.
I hope your move to Austin goes smoothly!
Loved the life advice meme lol.
Loved the reminder that spreading joy is a simple (and sometimes difficult) formula: vulnerability + intention of kindness + lack of expectation. I may have missed a decimal somewhere, but it's close enough...it's only emotional math, not string theory.